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Lesson 1.
Category
Well Being
Plan to do this.

Stop blaming others for your shortcomings and failings in life.
Why should you do this?

What ever happened in the past is not a prediction of what will happen in the future. Take control of you, your thoughts, and your actions, so you may do something positive about your future life circumstances.
What happened?

There have been situations where people stepped, and even stomped me to the ground, both mentally and physically. It was not until evaluating why this was happening when an epiphany happened, a clarity I never had before; I was allowing these negative people and things to occur in my life. All the time, blaming others for their words and actions, and then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. If I did not want others to take advantage of me, then I should remove myself from their presence, either mentally or physically. It is hard to say this to someone, more so to children who have no control over their circumstances, but then again, maybe they actually do have control to some extent.

Talking to their teachers, extended family, or neighbors, calling the police or child services for help is a start. How do you convey to anyone that he has the power to do anything if he does not have a strong mind and willing heart? Control your life from within yourselfit is that simple. If you do not believe you have control, then remove yourself physically from the situation. If you must remain in a situation, then cut off negative people and their actions in your mind; find a way to drown them out, as if you were tuning out commercials when watching television.

When bonus time had arrived, I overheard our supervisor telling our manager to exclude my job function from the bonus pool by transferring it to another department. Some people are mean spirited, and you cannot help them, just pray for them. I did not receive a bonus that year, allowing our supervisor to receive an even larger bonus. Everyday, as I passed our supervisor in the halls I would repeat this to myself, “You mean absolutely nothing to me, and this is only a stepping stone on the way to a greater life that God has promised me.” I could not change what happened but I could change my response.

Convincing myself that it was a learning opportunity, one that would make me more humble, to learn not to react negatively to others, to learn how to ignore some people and things, and to look forward to a better future. Take this truth to the next step, and you release blame and not allow it to consume your life by dwelling on its negativity but go on to take control of your life and actions to make you a better person.
How do you do this?

Changing the blame from them to me by questioning myself as to what I was doing to deserve this. Thinking it must be something I did. When I answered the question, I realized I was not doing anything. Therein laid the problem of who was responsible. Questioning, allowed me to evaluate other options I could use to change my circumstances. The options were to remove myself from the situation or stick to it but change my perspective. Instead of hoping for people or the circumstances to change, which were unreliable anyway, take the steps necessary to circumvent the problem. Never try to change a person. Offering suggestions may help, but ultimately I have control over my destiny, rather than the molds others have set for me.

Lesson 58.
Category
Goals
Plan to do this.

Success is the best revenge!

Why should you do this?

To the naysayer, to all those who said you wouldn’t amount to anything. To all those who treated you as if you wouldn’t amount to anything. To all those who acted as if you wouldn’t amount to anything. To those who acted as if they were better than you were. To those who thought they were better than you were. To those who mistreated you in anyway. To all those who boasted to you about themselves or their belongings. To all those who thought they were more beautiful or handsome than you were. To those who disrespected you in any form. To anyone who had an ounce of animosity towards you for no apparent reason. To those who got the better of you on a day when you were down and out. To those who kicked you while you were down and out. To those who tried their hardest to make your life a living hell. To those who abused you in any formSUCCEED!

What happened?

We have not reached the pinnacle of success, but we are definitely on our way through the goals we have established for ourselves, and continue to accomplish. In terms of education, family, friends and financial independence, we suppose, we have surpassed many of the individuals we have had the misfortune of meeting and who were previously mentioned. Intuition tells us this has created even more animosity towards us because we did not focus on them but on the goals and dreams, we have planned and have tediously pursued. The purpose of any naysayer, otherwise known as “dream busters,” is to take the spirit from those they encounter, and by not giving them the satisfaction, you are already ahead of the game.

How do you do this?

Whatever goals you have for yourself complete them no matter how stellar the performance might be, if the journey is on the road to success then do so, remembering that no dream is too big for reality. Take those steps in your life to enhance not only who you are as a person but also those around you. When the naysayer, hears of your success, he will have to, if only for a moment, reflect on how his behavior has had an impact on your life and who got the better of the experience. If success is not for you, then let it be for themyour motivation.

Caren A. Adams is a freelance writer and author of “Life 101 For the Young and Young at Heart!” ISBN 1-59457-835-4 (also in e-book format) at bookstores, http://www.booksurge.com and http://www.amazon.com mailto: amacapublishing@aol.com
http://www.booksurge.com/product.php3?bookID=GPUB00869-00001

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He Said, She Said
Ken Klarfeld & Jasmyn Klarfeld
iUniverse (2005)
Reviewed by Beverly Pechin for Reader Views (3/06)

This is not another “How to Raise Your Kids” Instruction Book, written by those who have no children but all the knowledge of raising them because they read about it in some text book. I tire easily of those with degrees in child rearing who have never experienced the actual thing first hand, so my expectations when first looking at this type of book weren’t that high. I figured ” Great, another know it all doctor who is going to tell you how to raise your kids”; instead I began reading a true parent’s ordeal with raising a daughter who began her life well-adjusted and nearly ‘perfect’ only to find nothing but a troubled life ahead.

The book is written in two perspectives, the father’s and then the daughter’s. Each chapter deals with a new step in the daughter’s life as she grows but from the very beginning you see how quickly the adult’s version of what happened differs from the child’s. It gives you a whole new insight to what it’s like growing up in a broken/mixed family. In what seems to be today’s ” norm” of divorce and step-parents. While everything seemed perfect from the parent’s stand-point, the child tells her views on how she felt during these times. She shows aspects of how everyday life isn’t so every day when you’re a child. What I loved most was, this young lady was not a troubled child. She was every parent’s dream in the beginning. She excelled in her studies, had good solid friendships and was raised in a loving atmosphere. Somehow, she still took a wrong turn and the insight this book provides helps you see where those turns were. It’s like child-rearing 101, but with hindsight. From a parent’s perspective, it’s what we all wish we had known before hand.

Ken was a divorced father of two young children. He was in a relationship with a woman who was a drug abuser and for obvious reasons decided to remove himself and his children from the situation. He knew from the beginning that the relationship wasn’t good anyways, they fought constantly and he was never really happy but, like so many, thought kids would help solve the problem. Instead, the obvious happened and Ken found himself a single dad raising a son and a daughter.

Ken quickly found another love and remarried fairly soon after the divorce. His kids were still young, often a time when many single parents think it’s best to begin a blended family because “the kids are young and it’s just like a new family anyways”. What we find by reading this book is that this is often not the case. Jasmyn, his oldest daughter, often expresses how hard it was for her as the child to belong to 2 mothers. She also expresses that she often felt like she was not her step-mother’s but she was her father’s, often creating turmoil within herself with these thoughts. Whether her parent’s felt this way or not was of no bearing, what mattered is how her own mind adjusted to living in what we today call a “mixed family”. It wasn’t obvious until somewhat later, after her baby years that this mindset took place and the problems began.

The book follows the life of a young girl who never seems to find happiness and parents (step-parents) who can’t seem to do enough to “help” but perhaps help too much. Again, the hindsight is that they should have allowed her to make choices, come to them for help before they simply bailed her out. Loosing life’s lessons, this young seemingly perfect girl made all the wrong turns and became every parent’s nightmare. The book shows each turning point and stage of Jasmyn’s life and how both she and her father viewed it; often two completely different outtakes. We watch her twist and turn, taking wrong road after wrong road and as parent’s look and say ” well, I probably would have done the same thing” and THAT is where the purpose of the book comes in.

To sum it up, the book is a true account of a young girl growing up with wrong decisions. Growing up in what we would consider a perfect, loving family but we find what seems good on the outside, isn’t always good inside. We get to look back on this family’s life and have hindsight to raising a young, troubled teen. We get to see that even the most perfect of children can make the wrong choices and we, as parents, can sometimes help in making those choices even when we don’t know it. It’s a book of truth and honesty without the fear of looking bad. Most amazingly it is a way for both parents and teens to see a true view of growing up and learn from the mistakes of someone else.

I think the authors accomplished what they meant to do, give us an understanding of child rearing from a realistic perspective and their ability to admit their own mistakes helps us to see ours before they occur. I would recommend it to anyone even thinking of having children, not to scare them away from this glorious decision but to give them a head start of child rearing with hindsight before they even begin. Teens could benefit from this book simply because they would not only relate to the girls feelings during these times but can see what her decisions did to her life. It’s a wonderful life’s lesson, summed up in a couple hundred pages; something most of us wish we could do ahead of time and now we finally have the chance to learn from it in another perspective.

Beverly Pechin is a reviewer for Reader Views
http://www.readerviews.com

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